Holding On and Letting Go
by Caroline Winters
Summary: Warning: Character Death. Kagome is gone and is never coming back. Inuyasha has learned to live alone, but not in the best way possible. Will a new love allow him to go back to a normal life or will he only get hurt once again? Includes an OC.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

"My lord, we have found what you requested."

The young looking man stirred in his chair. He had just begun to enjoy his nap. It was the same thing every day with these bandits. They were like a flock of sheep, unable to do anything without the request of some form of leader. That's exactly what made it so easy.

The man pulled himself out of his dreamy state. "You found one, did you?" He sat up now, a little more awake.

The small bandit bowed his head, "Yes. She is outside waiting to meet with you."

"Skip the formalities, just bring her in." He was growing impatient. The man bowed once more and left. A bit of relief began to wash over him. He had been waiting a long time for this. The memories were quickly becoming too hard to bear.

A small, frail old woman was forcibly dragged into the room by the small bandit from before. She struggled to break free, but her attempts were fruitless. Realizing this, she became very still.

"On your knees woman. Know your place." The bandit pulled her down suddenly and the woman cried in pain. It didn't matter to him; it would be all over soon. He walked over to the woman slowly and lifted her chin to look him in the eyes. They were a deep chocolate brown than made his heart flutter and ache at the same time. He looked away, trying to erase get the damaging thoughts out of his mind and focus on the task at hand. The man turned away from the woman. "Can you do it?"

"I- I'm not sure what you mean." A thumping was heard as the bandit holding her hit her over the head for her insolence. "Please, don't kill me!" She panicked, "I'll do anything I swear! Just tell me what you want." He could smell the salt in the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Stop it. Stop it!" he turned back but kept his gaze focused behind the old woman rather than into her eyes. He took a deep breath and pulled his beaded necklace away from his neck. "Can you take it off or not?"

The woman looked at him in confusion. "I could," she began, "But the necklace would shatter."

The man was devastated. Why do they always say the same thing? He didn't want it gone, he just wanted it off. He wanted to be able to put it somewhere where he would not have to see it, but always know it was there. It had become a part of him.

He returned to his chair and closed his eyes. "Kill her."

"But Lord Inuyasha..?"

"Just do it." He growled.

"Yes, my lord."

The woman's screams could be heard as she was torn from the hut and into the field. Inuyasha waited until they were silenced and went to sleep.

...

Laughter floated from the fire outside and into Inuyasha's hut. The men seemed to have found some sake in a nearby village and were quite enjoying themselves. The volume was annoying, but it was much easier on the ears than their snoring. Either way, he needed to be awake for the when the second group come back. They were taking longer than usual.

The events from the morning had left Inuyasha exhausted. All he could think about were those brown eyes. All he could think about was the person they once belong to. It was as if they were everywhere these days. He looked down at the beads around his neck.

'Damn, if only that useless woman knew what she was doing.' he thought. He tugged them over his head, but only succeeded in brightening up the hut with its glow. "Your trigger is gone, you hear me! Gone!"

"My lord?" One of the lower ranking thieves in the mob was standing in his doorway.

Inuyasha straightened and struggled to keep his composure after yelling at a piece of jewellery. "What do you want?" No one in the gang seemed to know what was going on with him. They were all too afraid to ask.

"We found a woman…"

"Another priestess?"

He shook his head. "We had finished in the village and we found her hiding in the rubble." He smiled. "She's quite beautiful, my lord. We thought she would please you."

Disgusted, he waved him away. "I thought I made it clear I want nothing to do with your human women. They're too weak and fragile."

"But, this one my lord, she claimed to be able to kill us all." He laughed at the thought. "As if she stood any match against you, my lord."

Intrigued, he considered it. "Let her in."

The thief left with a bow. A few yells could be heard as well as the sound of punches being thrown. After a few minutes a young girl was thrown into to hut. She smelled of blood, sweat and something a little dangerous.

Inuyasha walked over to her and took her in. "What are you?" She looked human enough. Long black hair fell down to past her waist and fell like a curtain around her frame. Her eyes were a strange, brilliant green and looked up at him. The smell of fear wafted off of her body as she trembled from the cold. "What are you?" he asked again, with a little more force.

"I – I'm…" she seemed to think about it for a while, not seeming to understand the question. "I'm human?"

Inuyasha snorted, "Was that a question or an answer?" He looked her over again. There was something odd about this girl. He pointed to the corner of the room with his chin. "You can sleep there."

"What?"

"You didn't think I was just going to let you go, were you?

"Are you going to..?" She backed away as much as she could in the confines of the hut.

Inuyasha sat by the door way and leaned against the wall. "Just go to sleep." He closed his eyes.

Silence fell over the hut and the fire began to die outside. The bandits must have passed out. Inuyasha opened one eye. The girl sat in the middle of the hut still, curled in a ball and shivering. He stood up and pulled her to her feet. Her skin was warm to the touch, too warm. "What's wrong with you?" She shrugged and continued to shake, not meeting his gaze.

Inuyasha sighed and pushed her into the corner of the hut on to some hay that was meant to be the horse's breakfast. "Go to sleep."

This time she complied, but continued to shake. He returned to his place at the entrance of the hut. Inuyasha watched her shiver for what seemed like hours. Finally, he gave in and took of the outer layer of his clothing and laid it over her messily. He turned to return to his spot, but looked back. The girl continued to shiver and breathe heavily.

"What's wrong with her?" he muttered under his breath. Inuyasha kneeled beside her and places a hand on her forehead as well as his own. He panicked. It was too much like before. Inuyasha poked her in the side. "Hey, hey girl. Wake up."

She groaned softly and shot up when she realized who was leaning over her. "What is it?" The girl continued to tremble. He wasn't sure if it was because of him or whatever was wrong with her.

"Why do you keep shaking?"

"I'm not sure." She coughed into her hand and took several deep breaths. He looked at the hand that fell back down to her side. It was clean, a good sign.

He thought about everything he knew about health care. He came up with not solutions. The girl seemed fine. He was probably overreacting. Inuyasha leaned against the wall behind him. "Go back to sleep…what ever your name is."

"Why are you…?" She trailed off after meeting his glare. The hay rustled noisily as she got as comfortable as she could. "It's Sayuri."

He let out a grunt, "Don't make me tell you again." But his voice had lost its edge.

"Alright…" Her breathing slowed after a few minutes and she fell asleep.

Inuyasha finally had some time to himself to think. Why was he letting her live? Didn't he usually kill the humans the bandits gave him? But she seemed different somehow. She made him feel – he wasn't sure what he felt. All he knew is that it wasn't right to kill her today. He resolved to leave the decision until dawn.

**Authors Note:**

So, there is the first chapter. Or it least as much as I feel like writing for now. I had a little spare time today so I thought I would do this as something to do. I haven't written a fan fiction since the seventh grade. That's about five or six years. I haven't read many either because I find many fan fictions to be either random odd lemons that really have no relation to the series or are so terribly written (as far as spelling, grammar, plot holes and character development) that I get sick of them after a paragraph or two. That's not to say that my writing didn't use to be that bad. I would like to think I've improved since. I thought I would take a crack at the genre now.

Anyways, I'm going to make several promises to any readers:

I am not going to change my idea of what I want the plot to be like based on fan demand. That is, unless I actually think your idea is good. If so, I will credit said person for it.

I will not use random Japanese or any other language in my fics. I have found that to be quite annoying especially when it is used incorrectly.

I will try to respond and thank anyone and everyone who reads things I write. I love to hear feedback. It's the reason why any writer writes. If no one reads what you write or you don't share it, what's the point?

I can't think of anything else at this moment in time so…I guess I'll post again when I have time?

Until then. Thanks for reading and listening to me ramble.

Caroline Winters


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Sunlight fell on Inuyasha's face. He could hear the loud snores of the thieves outside. They were never awake at dawn like he instructed. He sat up and pulled bits of hay from his hair. Why was he beside the hay again? He looked at the pile beside him and remembered the events of the night before. He remembered the strange girl that he took in to his hut.

And then he heard the heavy breathing.

"Glad to see you're awake." There was a white haired demon standing in on the other side of the hut. She was holding a rusty blade that was too familiar.

"Who are you?" he demanded letting out a low growl. "And what are you doing with Tetsusaiga?"

"Forgetting so soon?" the demon wavered a bit and coughed in to her arm.

"Sayuri?" he sniffed the air. "So you're a half demon, are you?" Either way, he still liked his chances.

Sayuri laughed and examined the tarnished metal "This piece of crap has a name? It might not be very sharp, but I'm sure if I push hard enough, it'll go right through you."

She lunged towards him, but her movements were slow and sloppy. He grabbed her by the hair and Tetsusaiga clattered on the floor. Inuyasha dragged her over to the hay and threw her. She landed with a thud and burst in to another fit of coughs.

"If you're going to kill me, do it now."

Sayuri was right. He could kill her right now with his bare hands. He could tear out her heart in less than the time it took to blink, but the eyes caught him again. Something about the way she looked at him seemed different.

Inuyasha sat in what had now come to seem like more of a throne for his uses. "I'm not sure I'm going to do that just yet."

Sayuri leaned against the wall for support. Her body was weak and he could smell her blood the poured from a wound on her head. He hadn't meant to throw her that hard. Inuyasha moved closer to examine it. "Let me see that." She flinched away from his touch. "Look, I haven't killed you so far, so shut up and let me help you." The words felt familiar in his mouth.

"_I want you to shut up and let me protect you!"_

He shook the thought out of his head and dabbed her wound with his clothing she'd used as a blanket the night before. She winced slightly, but stayed relatively quiet.

"So what do you plan on doing with me?"

Inuyasha hadn't thought about this yet. "Killing you seems a little rash, now doesn't it?"

She laughed half-heartedly. "Rash? And what you did to that village was strategically planned, right?"

Inuyasha girl seemed to have an opinion about everything. "Don't talk mock what you don't understand, girl." He looked her in the eyes for a moment and looked away. He didn't like how intensely they peered into him. It was like they knew all his secrets. "I hadn't pegged you to be a human sympathizer." He put the fire rat robe into the corner. "You should be fine."

Sayuri nodded and tried to get comfortable against the wall. Her breathing was laboured and left Inuyasha a little worried.

'There's no reason for me to worry about her.' He thought. 'She's just a random girl. I don't even know why she's still here.'

But she stayed there for days. Sayuri's fever didn't drop. She wasn't eating or letting Inuyasha anywhere near her. She smelled off, as if something was rotting, but she flinched and kicked every time he came close. He tried to distract himself from his worries about her health with the problems of the bandits. Unfortunately, they had been handling things too nicely for him to intervene.

Inuyasha was becoming impatient. "Something is seriously wrong with you. You look terrible."

Sayuri smiled and then grimaced, "You really know how to charm a girl, don't you?" She coughed on to the ground and shivered intensely in her make-shift hay bed.

He sighed. Inuyasha found the still blood stained outer piece of his clothes and threw it over her. "Use this."

She threw it back in his face. "I'm sick of this." She growled, "Just do whatever it is you planned on doing to me in the first place. I don't like being played with."

He spun to face her, "What are you talking about?"

Sayuri, with a great deal of effort, pushed herself to a sitting position. "Rape me, kill me…use me for whatever purpose those thugs caught me for." She looked him dead in the eye, "Just don't leave me waiting for it to happen."

"I didn't ask for you."

She tried to stand and fell back down, holding her left side. "Well, I didn't ask for this." Sayuri closed her eyes and winced as red could be seen coming through her clothing.

Inuyasha rushed to her side, "You're bleeding."

"Oh, is that what the red stuff is? I never knew" If he hadn't known how she was, he could have believed what she said to be the truth. Something changed when her health problems had become this immediate and visible. All the walls she had put up to keep him out had dropped. She seemed almost relieved. "This can't be good, can it?" More coughs came from her as blood as well as something yellow and putrid smelling continued to leak from her body.

Inuyasha pressed the fire-rat cloth to the wound. She winced, but didn't pull away. He had to make a choice, and fast. He helped her on to his back as gently as possible. Inuyasha grabbed his Tetsusaiga and began to walk out of the hut.

"Where are you going Lord Inuyasha?" All of the bandits had fallen into a bow, save the leader, "Where are you taking the girl?"

Inuyasha didn't stop walking. "You're in charge until I get back."

"But –"

A growl rose from deep within his chest. "Just do it." Inuyasha burst in to a run.

He ran for hours. Inuyasha hadn't run like this in years. He relished the feeling of the wind across his face and in his hair. This kind of freedom hadn't existed for a long time. Babysitting the thieves had always come first. Sayuri was quiet. Fresh air seemed to have helped with the coughing, but jarring movements made her cry out in pain.

By the time night had fallen, Inuyasha had slowed down and walked lazily beside a river.

"Inuyasha?"

He remembered the girl on his back and stopped, "Do you need something?"

"Can we stop? …a little…dizzy." Her voice was almost a whisper.

Inuyasha moved away from the river and lay her down under the nearest tree. He placed the back of his hand against her forehead. It was still too warm for him to relax. He made the cloth damp in the river and pressed it against her head. She hacked and coughed, but otherwise tried to remain still.

"Why," Sayuri began, opening her eyes a little, "Why are you helping me?"

Inuyasha remained silent. She eventually gave up on her question and fell asleep on the forest floor. By the time she woke up, Inuyasha had made a fire and had several fish roasting beside it.

"Are you hungry?" Inuyasha pulled a fish from the ground and handed it to her, "Tell me if it's cooked or not."

Her body shook as she reached for the stick. "I can't…" He let out a frustrated sigh and forced the fish stick in to her hand.

Sayuri dropped the fish on the ground. "I told you…that I couldn't do it."

"You need to eat something."

"I'm fine. I'm not hungry."

"_It's fine Inuyasha. I don't really feel like eating anyway."_

Inuyasha forced himself back to the present. 'No, this wasn't like before,' he told himself, 'was it?' Sayuri had closed her eyes as if to sleep rather than eat. He could hear her stomach rumble. He looked at the fish in his hand and sighed. He wasn't going to be eating tonight, that much was for sure.

Inuyasha stood up and forced Sayuri into a sitting position against the tree. "What are you doing?" She tried to push him away, but he was too strong for her. "I was trying to sleep."

"Bull shit, you need to eat." He tried to put the stick in to her hand again.

Sayuri pushed it away. "I'll just drop it again." She held out her hand as if to prove her point.

Inuyasha held it up to her mouth, "Eat."

She hesitated at first. The idea of being fed by someone she barely knew or trusted did not appeal to her. Hunger won out in the end and she ate the fish in record time.

He let himself smile a little, "Your appetite might be the only thing healthy about you."

"That's very clever of you. Can I go back to sleep now?" Sayuri closed her eyes without waiting for a response. Just when he thought she was asleep, he heard her voice again. "Where are you taking me anyway?"

Inuyasha leaned back on the other side of the tree. He let Tetsusaiga rest between his legs and against his chest. It was a position he had not sat in for a long time. Standing guard stopped being his job a long time ago. "It's not important."

She wasn't letting this one go. "Seriously, where are we going?" 

"I know some people who can fix you."

She laughed before devolving into coughs, "The great Inuyasha has friends?"

Inuyasha smiled sadly, "Something like that."

**Author's Note:**

_DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE INUYASHA SERIES. ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO RUMIKO TAKAHASHI . Only the original character is mine._

So there is chapter two. This is like…mid exam week that I'm writing this. I should probably be learning French right now, but this is more fun.

I got no response from my first chapter so I guess it's 'cause it's new? Who knows. All I know is I'm enjoying this along with my friends so I'm going to keep writing.

Until boredom strikes again,

Sincerely,

Caroline Winters


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

The sun had risen high in to the sky. They had slept too long, they had to get moving. At this rate, Sayuri wouldn't be there by nightfall. Inuyasha looked down at her from his treetop perch. The way things were going, she may not last that long.

Inuyasha made a soundless jump from his branch and crouched beside the sleeping girl. While the fresh air had helped her breathing settle a bit, Sayuri was only getting warmer. The hot summer sun was only adding to his worries. This would slow them down even more.

He poked the side of her face, "Hey, girl." He poked her again, a little harder. "Hey girl, wake up." For some reason this frustrated him, "If you don't wake up I swear I will kick you."

Slowly one of her eyes opened and she peered at him through her eyelashes. "What do you want?" The end of her sentence came out as a grunt as she tried to shift in to a more comfortable position. The wound in her side clearly had not healed overnight.

He scoffed and kneeled down ready to lift her again. "Come on, we haven't got all day." There was a little shuffling, some coughs, followed by a few whimpers as she got on to his back again.

Inuyasha ran off knowing exactly where he was going. He could probably find his way back from anywhere in all of Japan if he had to. The trip had become a routine he thought he would never have to make.

The trees in the forest became more and more familiar, less and less thick, until he could see light glimmering up ahead. Inuyasha stepped in to the open evening air and looked at the familiar surroundings. The rows of shabby huts with steps leading up to a shrine, the crops that surrounded the village where townsfolk grew the food he used to eat. He could see the ancient tree and smell the river that held so many memories. And then he heard familiar voices.

"It is the demon Inuyasha! He has come back to kill us all!"

And then another.

"Go get the demon slayer! He must be killed!"

He could smell the torches being lit and hear the clatter of sharp objects being gathered. This was not looking good.

However, Sayuri seemed to be laughing. "I thought you said you had friends." His growl silenced her jeers.

By this time, the male villagers had formed a circle around Inuyasha and seemed to be cowering and glaring at the same time. Inuyasha wasn't sure if he should be afraid or simply laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

Inuyasha could smell her as the demon slayer pushed through the crowd. She was dressed in her battle gear as if she intended to fight him.

"Lady Sango, we have cornered the demon."

Sango's intense gaze was matched by Inuyasha's. Silence seemed to fall over the group as they sized each other up.

He whispered, too low for Sango to hear, "If things get messy here I want you to run away as far as you can, okay?" Sayuri tensed, "Just go to the nearest source of water and I'll come and find you."

"Inuyasha, I don't know if I can…"

"Well you don't have much of a choice."

"Are you about done over there?" Sango was determined not to be ignored. "Why did you come back?"

"Why did you leave?" Sayuri whispered.

"_It would be better for everyone if you could just disappear."_

"Shut up." He growled. Her response was to cough in to the back of his shirt.

Sango grew more impatient and motioned for the circle to close in a little more. Inuyasha held on to Sayuri more tightly. "Why are you back?"

He looked in to her eyes and tried to find the girl who he had saved and been saved by countless times over. All he could find was distrust. Inuyasha found the cold hatred that existed when they first met. She grabbed on to her boomerang, poised to throw. He had to say something. "I need your help."

She loosened her grip on the boomerang, more in a state of shock than anything else. Inuyasha didn't ask for help. "What are you talking about?"

Sayuri coughed and began to slip from Inuyasha's back. He repositioned her and repeated himself impatiently, "I need you to fix her, okay?"

His attitude sent her on to the defensive again. "Why should I do that? I thought I told you to –"

Soft jingling could be heard as another familiar face pushed through the crowd. "Now, now Sango, this is no way to treat an old friend." Sayuri looked at him hesitantly and Inuyasha smiled. At least someone was on his side here.

"Old friend? After all he's done? Miroku, are you serious?"

Miroku held up a hand to stop her before she could protest further. "Everyone is not without fault. Look, he even brought a beautiful woman with him. How gracious."

Inuyasha glared at him causing Miroku's smirk to fade slightly. Sango pulled him away from the circle and proceeded to have a heated argument. All he could think was how hard it must have been to live with someone like her for all these years. He almost felt bad for leaving…almost. Seeing that the 'demon' was not to be killed, the mob lost interest and returned to their huts, almost relieved. Sayuri continued to eye the monk suspiciously.

"Why are you friends with these people?"

He shook his head, "I really have no clue." Inuyasha fell silent to listen to their conversation.

"I can't let him back in here, not after all the trouble he caused."

Miroku let out a heavy sigh. Clearly this was a repeated conversation. "Look at him Sango. Do you really think he would have come back here without reason?"

She wasn't about to back down, even if her argument was flawed. "Why wouldn't he come back?"

"Think about it Sango. This is where they met. This is where Kagome -"

"Who's Kagome?"

Inuyasha felt a wave of inexplicable anger come over him, "She's not important, okay? Just shut up." The words came out far harsher than he intended them to be and Sayuri seemed to flinch.

Sango and Miroku turned to watch their exchange. A look of pity seemed to be plastered on their faces. This only made Inuyasha angrier.

"Look, are you going to fix her or not?" He looked Sango straight in the eyes, deciding to use her frail human heart to his advantage. He arranged his face in to the most hurt and dejected look he could muster. "Because I'd rather not be here much longer."

Tears filled the slayer's eyes as she turned away. "Bring her to my hut." Sango began to walk away with Miroku hurrying behind her. Inuyasha smiled slightly. The villagers still glared from their windows, but Inuyasha relaxed knowing that no one was going to be coming after Sayuri, at least for a little while.

"Are we going to follow her," Sayuri coughed a little, "or are you just going to stand there smiling to yourself?"

Inuyasha grumbled some curses that he knew she'd hear and walked to the largest hut in the village. He had built it with Miroku's help for Sango and her ever increasing clan, at least, that's what he'd told the lazy monk to get him to do anything. As it began to appear over the horizon, all the memories he had buried rose up to haunt him once more. He remembered her smiling face as she watched him place every board.

_Kagome sat on a nearby rock, holding Shippo in her lap while he slept. "Hurry up already! I want a room to myself, just like the one…"_

_Inuyasha turned to face her, narrowly missing Miroku's head with the planks of wood he'd been holding. "What?"_

_Kagome shook her head back and forth and gazed up at the clouds, shielding her eyes from the sun, "I was just…thinking aloud."_

_Miroku lost interest in the conversation and began to continue building the base, but Inuyasha wasn't about to let this one go. "What do you mean? The room where?"_

"_Don't worry, it's nothing."_

"_Kagome," he took a step towards her, "It's not nothing."_

_She let out a sigh. "I was just thinking about home…" She turned away, but he could smell the salt in her tears._

_He was silent for a few minutes and began to help the monk who had become sloppy without his watchful eye. Finally, Inuyasha scoffed, "I thought you knew this by now," Inuyasha met her gaze, "You're home is here."_

_After a long moment she blinked the tears away and let her lips curl a little at the edges._

"You can put her down in the back room."

Inuyasha shook his head. How could he have let himself fall back in to the same old habits? That part of his life was over. He moved from one room to another, trying not to look too closely at one particular spot. He laid Sayuri on the floor and she shivered and wheezed as another bout of coughs shook her.

Inuyasha kneeled down beside Sayuri, "Are you alright?"

"Move." Sango walked in to the room behind him and laid out an assortment of first aid supplies. Some of them seemed to be from Kagome's time, and others from theirs. She sat down beside the dying girl. "I'm going to need to see that wound." Without looking and Inuyasha she said, "And unless you're going to watch her undress, I'd advise you to leave."

"Let him stay." Sayuri said softly, but with an authority only gained by the abuse of her demon blood. Her eyes met Sango's and even Inuyasha could sense her distrust between the two girls.

Inuyasha grumbled and turned around, "Happy now?"

He waited and waited. Occasionally, a grunt of displeasure could be heard from the other side of the room as Sango poked and prodded none too gently at her cut. He could smell the blood and puss that leaked from it as she did so. After what seemed like hours Sango finally said, "She's decent. I'm going to bed."

Inuyasha stood and grabbed her arm before she could leave, "What was wrong?"

She sighed and turned to face him. "Nothing much," She looked down at the now sleeping half demon and lowered her voice "Her wound was not cleaned, it probably happened a while ago, maybe a few weeks I'd guess. Her body was trying to fix the dirty cut and didn't have time for the cold. She'll be a little weak for a bit but otherwise fine by morning."

Sango left the room and Inuyasha was finally able to get some sleep knowing that he had one less person to worry about tonight.

"_Inuyasha…Inuyasha, can you hear me?"_

_Someone seemed to be calling out to him but everything was dark. He could barely see his own hand. "Is anyone there?"_

_After a few minutes of silence and anxiety the voice returned, and this time he recognized it. "Inuyasha, I can't get back. Inuyasha…"_

"_Kagome!" he panicked. She sounded so close, but he couldn't see her. Inuyasha wandered through the darkness. Why couldn't he find her?_

"_Say something, if you can hear me." Kagome's voice seemed to be fading._

_A lump began to build in his throat. He was going to lose her. "Kagome! I'm right here!"_

_The voice was almost a whisper, "I can't get back…"_

"Don't go!"

"Inuyasha?" Sayuri looked up at him in the dark, her green eyes seemed to glow like a cat's. "I'm right here." She laughed lightly. "I didn't go anywhere. It still kind of hurts to move."

He blinked quickly and rubbed his sleeve against his face, "Shut up. Go back to sleep." Inuyasha instantly regretted his ruthless tone as she fell silent once more.

**Author's Note:**

Yay! I have one reviewer :) Always nice to know I have at least one person reading. I haven't had much time to write with the new semester, but I'll try to post more as time goes on. Hope everyone enjoyed the new character development. It's not as clean as I would like, but like I said... not much time.

Thanks for reading :D 3

Caroline Winters


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: (at the beginning this time….randomly. Get over it.)**

I realized I haven't been getting back to reviewers as I said I would. For me, it's easier to just reply here rather than send personal messages individually. So here goes:

To SilentStorm1999 and Steph the bat 11, thanks for reading! Other than friends that I've made read my work, you guys are the only ones reviewing (meaning make your friends read too :D) . Steph the bat 11, seemed a little confused, but I hope the following chapters will make everything a little more clear. But please ask questions! That helps me make my story and my writing make more sense. And if it's something that wouldn't make sense to go back and change I'll be sure to explain it in the beginning or the end of chapters. But only upon request….I don't tend to explain what I write. I like to leave a lot of things, especially setting description, up to the imagination of a reader as I've noticed it gets boring REALLY fast.

With that, I'm going to actually start writing the chapter.

I started writing in her perspective, kind of. I'm not entirely sure why. Guess you'll just have to deal with it.

Caroline Winters

**Chapter Four**

"Inuyasha!" His ears twitched slightly, "Inuyasha!" Sayuri yelled a little louder this time. He rumbled in complaint and a smile spread across her face. "It's time to get up."

The man seemed to be no closer to moving. Giving up, Sayuri slid the sliding door open and sat along the little porch. She swung her legs lightly, enjoying the feel of the sun upon her face and the sound of the wind as it danced between the leaves of the trees. She listened close to the soft cooing of the demon slayer's children as she lay them down for a morning nap. Everything was so peaceful here. There didn't seem to be a reason for her to leave.

"_I can't let him back in here, not after all the trouble he caused."_

What happened before? Sayuri looked back at Inuyasha. He had begun to stir a little more now. The sun against his back must have been keeping him awake. Why did no one want him here? What did he do that was so bad?

"_Think about it Sango. This is where they met. This is where Kagome -"_

Who was Kagome?

Inuyasha, now awake, walked towards her. He looked her over suspiciously from head to toe, returning back to what was probably only a faint scar on her midsection. She opened her mouth to ask about the woman these people can't seem to forget, but the red that rimmed his eyes told her this was not the morning to ask about such things.

Inuyasha sat down beside her, making sure to stay a good distance away. He eyed her carefully. His gaze was too intense, she had to look away. "Your wounds have healed."

Sayuri nodded. His tone seemed very…final. It was the only word she could conjure up to describe it. "I'll probably leave soon." She swallowed, "Now that everything is better."

He scoffed, "You can't do that."

"What?"

He laughed at the bemused look on her face. It didn't seem as though he was letting her get away that easily. "You owe a debt to me, don't you? I saved your miserable life."

"Miserable?" Sayuri looked away, out in to the field where the people of the town worked. "I was doing just fine before you came along. I'll be just fine when I leave too." She got to her feet and began to walk away. She wouldn't look back. Couldn't look back.

A hand grabbed her wrist. "I'm not letting you go."

Sayuri swung around, claws drawn, a growl emanating from her chest. "I owe you nothing. I never asked to be saved."

"Are you saying you didn't want to live?" Inuyasha held her gaze, his hand resting on Tetsusaiga, ready to swing at a moments notice. She looked away first. "That's what I thought." He released his sword.

Sayuri took a deep breath. "Look around you." She paused, "As far as I could tell, you're not wanted here and if you're not wanted here…" her voice fell to a whisper, "I know when to leave somewhere I'm not wanted."

"Now that's taking things a little too far isn't it?" The two half demons turned to see the monk from the other day smiling at them from the porch. He sat down carefully on the edge and tapped the small of his back with his fist. "Oh, I'm getting old."

"Miroku, stay out if it." Inuyasha grumbled, just loud enough for the human to hear. Sayuri visibly stiffened. This human wasn't to be trusted, he seemed more dangerous than others.

The monk laughed, "I know, I know. I have no idea what you're going through right?" he peered around Inuyasha at Sayuri, "The same goes for you too, am I wrong?"

She wanted so much to look away from kind eyes that seemed to see right through her venomous glare. This Miroku appeared to know all her secrets. The thought terrified her. "What do you want from me?"

He shook his head, "I want nothing more than for the safety and well being of my family and friends." Miroku looked at Inuyasha with his last words and a look of guilt spread across his face. "You guys seemed to be in a bit of a disagreement and I thought it was time to step in."

"What does that have to do with me?" She growled. "I have nothing to do with this- this person. I didn't ask for his help, let alone yours."

Inuyasha was becoming impatient. "I don't have to sit here and listen to this. I'm gone." He began to walk away.

"What happened to not letting me go?" The words came tumbling from her lips before she knew what had happened.

He turned. Inuyasha seemed to be holding something back. Was he upset that she wanted to leave? She didn't understand. She didn't mean anything to him. "Leave! It's what you want, isn't it?"

Before the lump in her throat could build anymore she ran off in to the woods.

"Sayuri!" he yelled, but she kept running. He must have smelled her tears.

Why did she feel this way? Why did her head scream for her to run, but her heart ached when she did? Everything about this man was dangerous. He was too beautiful to be trusted. Beautiful people let you down. Beautiful people hurt you. How could he be any different?

Slowly Inuyasha's footsteps faded along with her strength. It was too early to be running again. Sayuri finally stopped when she reached a small clearing in the forest. In the middle was a well. She sniffed the air. The smell of demon remains threw her off, but the lack of water was even more puzzling. Curious, she went closer to examine it.

It was relatively small, and not overly deep. She could easily jump to the bottom and back up if she really wanted to. Rather than water, it was filled with the bones of demons. It was dark and smelled horrible. Sayuri sat on the edge of the well and looked up at the sun, squinting as it blinded her.

Why had Inuyasha stopped chasing her? It was not as if she was running very fast. She looked from side to side, sniffing the air as she did. Inuyasha was close, but why was he hiding?

"Inuyasha!" Sayuri's voice came back to her as well as a few chirps from the birds, "Inuyasha, I know you're there." If she listened hard she could hear the soft sound of his breath leaving his body. He was exasperated, or upset, she couldn't tell which. "Is there something wrong with this place?" Sayuri turned and peered down the well again.

There was nothing particularly dangerous about it, but it seemed to put this man on edge. A smile played on her lips. She could have fun with this.

Sayuri leaned back slightly. She made a small sound as she stretched and leaned back in to the well. Slowly, she leaned further and further back in to the stretch and the opening before allowing herself to fall in head first. Faster than she could blink, arms wrapped around her and she came to a gentle stop just before the bottom.

She looked up in to his eyes, they seemed unusually calm. "Are you an idiot?" Sayuri blinked a few times. It seems she spoke too soon. The kind look of concern had left his eyes as he burned furious holes in to her forehead. She avoided his fierce glare as her eyes fell on his necklace. It had brown, round beads separated by the occasional fang-like bead. She had never seen anything like it.

"What is this?" She asked reaching out to feel them. Her body fell to the floor of the well with a crash. "What was that for?" Sayuri growled, "I was just looking."

Inuyasha looked away, "It's not important." He leaped nimbly from the bottom of the well and Sayuri followed with little hesitation. There was something about this man that was intriguing. He held secrets that a part of her was desperate to unravel, but another was scared of what she would find.

His ears moved quickly from side to side, listening for something. He began to run in the direction of the village once again. Sayuri followed close behind. Something seemed to draw her towards him. He seemed to run a little slower than normal to allow her to keep up.

As the village came in to view once more, she realised how small it really was. When she was sick, all she could think about was breathing. All the feeble humans crowding around her didn't help matters. Sayuri watched Inuyasha leap from rooftop to rooftop before landing back on to the house they'd spent the night in. She followed him in to the house. Where was he going in such a hurry?

Inuyasha whipped around, "Stay here." And he stalked in to another room, slamming the door behind him.

Sayuri listened close from the other side of the door:

"What is it, Miroku?"

The monk sighed, "Always straight to the point. You should learn to be more patient; it's a virtue you know." The patronising tone was evident.

"Yeah, because you know everything about virtues." Inuyasha scoffed, "Aren't monks supposed to stay virgins?"

"Now, now, there's no need to get snippy." She heard a few footsteps and then a creak from the floor boards, "So Inuyasha, why are you back again?" Sayuri could picture a small smile spreading across his face. Cocky bastard.

Inuyasha was quiet for a long moment, his voice fell low. "Why are you in her room?"

"Your appearance has given me a feeling of nostalgia. I thought I'd reminisce a little." He paused, "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Why are you here? Why do you stay?"

Sayuri listened to the floor creak as Inuyasha moved uncomfortably from one foot to another. "I wanted to visit her grave, say goodbye."

"Does that mean you're leaving? You've barely been here a day." Inuyasha must have given him a fierce look because the monk's tone became serious once more. "You must know that Kagome…"

There were a few thumps and the quick intake of air, even Sayuri's breath caught a little. "Don't say her name. You don't know nothing about what she wanted."

The monk took a few more shaky breaths, "Kagome wouldn't want to see you like this. She wanted you to be happy." He let his words sink in, "This isn't happy, Inuyasha, not even close."

Suddenly, the door flew open and Inuyasha stalked down the hallway. Realizing she wasn't following, he called over his shoulder, "You better be coming."

She hesitated for a moment and just stared at his retreating back. He seemed so tense whenever that girl was brought up. What could she possibly mean to him? Kagome…such an odd name. She's captured the heard of the monk and even that demon slayer. How does one girl connect so many?

"Didn't I tell you to follow? I ain't going to ask again."

Sayuri quickly followed after. Inuyasha strode through the village with a kind of determination to get from one place to another with as little interaction as possible. Inuyasha walked up a long staircase that led to a small shrine on the top of a hill. There were two graves in front, one read "Kikyo" and the other "Kagome".

Inuyasha crouched beside the first grave, the one labelled "Kikyo". It looked a lot older than the other. He didn't linger and moved to the second one. This time he stayed longer. His body tensed as if he struggled to keep his breathing even. He reached out one hand and fingered the strokes that spelled her name.

"So this is the infamous Kagome, is it?" Sayuri crouched beside him, closed her eyes and pressed her palms together in prayer. She could feel Inuyasha's eyes on her and quickly added, "This is what you do, right?"

They sat in silence together for a long time. He breathed slowly and carefully. He was holding something back, but didn't seem to be fighting as hard.

"Who…" She began, "What was she like?" 

Inuyasha lowered his head and slowly opened his eyes. "Kagome…" He let the name fall from his lips slowly. The name felt familiar yet awkward on his lips, as if he had not said it in a long time. "She was kind, and warm. She- she made people feel like they belonged."

"Like a mother?"

He smiled, the first real smile she'd seen on his face. "Yeah, kind of like that."

Inspired, she pressed a little more, "Did you love her?"

"Why do you care?" his eyes bored in to her again. Those yellow eyes were so piercing, yet impossible to look away from. Sayuri could never really tell what he was thinking.

She shrugged, "I'm just curious." She reached out and stroked the characters of her name as Inuyasha had done just before, "She had to be some kind of special to make so many people remember her like that."

"What do you mean?"

"The monk, the demon slayer, and even you seem so attached to this one woman."

Inuyasha avoided her eyes. "She was special. There's no one alive more special than her."

Sayuri pressed her hand in to her chest. Her heart beat, didn't it? When this man was around it beat even faster, though she still didn't know why. Did that mean she would never match this woman?

"Are you okay?"

"Inuyasha…" but she was cut off by a voice and footsteps approaching.

"Inuyasha!" The monk from earlier came running up the steps. He stopped before the two, catching his breath. "I'm glad I caught you, I have a small favour to ask."


	5. Chapter 5

"What is it Miroku?"

Miroku looked taken aback, "Your tone says that you have already decided against helping me."

"Wow, I can't believe you picked up on that." Inuyasha was never asked for favours, at least, he hasn't been asked for one by him in a long time. Miroku continued to stare at him to the point where he began to feel uncomfortable. "What could be so urgent that you would ask me for help?"

The monk took a deep breath, "I need you to look after the kids for a couple days."

He gave Miroku the most confused and disgusted look he could muster, "You want me to do what?"

"It's only for a few days." Miroku pleaded, "Sango has wanted to go visit her village for months and I figured since you were already here…"

"Nothin' doin'. I ain't no babysitter. Can't someone in the village do it?"

Miroku sighed, "You know it's harvest season. If they don't work now, there won't be enough food to last the winter months."

Inuyasha stood firm, "And Sango is okay with this idea of yours? I can tell by the look she gave me that she couldn't wait to hand over her spawn."

The monk looked away suspiciously, "Well…"

"You see? I can't."

Miroku looked up at him that with a face Kagome would have described as 'puppy dog eyes'.

"_Kagome wouldn't want to see you like this. She wanted you to be happy."_

Inuyasha mulled over the words, what could they possibly have meant? Of course she wanted him to be happy, didn't she? But how could he be if she wasn't here?

"_I want you to be happy. I want you to laugh a lot. I don't know what exactly I'll be able to do for you, but I'll always be by your side."_

He leaned back in to the tree and took a few deep breaths. "Always by my side, you said." He opened his eyes and stared at the waning moon. It would be gone very soon. "Liar. You ain't here now, that's for sure."

"Inuyasha, are you still awake?" He looked down at Sayuri from the tree. Her green eyes glowed in the dim light. Sayuri leaped nimbly on to the branch beside him. "Do you plan on staying up here all night?" She shivered as the wind blew her hair around her face. She tried to smooth it back in to place, but to no avail. "It's kind of cold out here."

Inuyasha watched as she shook against the cold wind. He reached to take off his red outer layer of his robe and then stopped.

"_It's made from the fur of the fire rat. It'll offer you some protection at least."_

The image of Kagome in his robe forced him let his hands fall in to his lap once more. How could he consider letting another woman in? He'd already allowed two to die. He couldn't stand a third. Inuyasha jumped to the branch above her.

"Hey," Sayuri followed him up, "Why are you…" Inuyasha moved again, higher this time, "Inuyasha!" She grabbed him by the foot and they both came tumbling down the tree with a crash.

Sayuri rubbed her side that seemed to still be a little sore, "What was that for?"

Inuyasha looked away. Persistent wench, why couldn't she leave him alone?

"Alright," She reached and grabbed his ear, hard, causing him to cry out in pain, "Ever since we came back from this girl's grave you've been avoiding me. Give me a reason or I'll rip your ears out."

Inuyasha remained on his guard. "I don't have to answer to you." He thought for a moment, "If anything you should answer to me. I saved your life, remember?"

"And I told you that I didn't ask to be saved!"

"You're being ridiculous!" Inuyasha stared at her. Did she really value her pride over her life? That's ridiculous, no one could be that stupid.

Sayuri scoffed, "I'm the ridiculous one?" She released his ear and placed her hands on her hips. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again.

Inuyasha laughed, "See? Wench can't even defend herself."

"And you are just that much better than me?"

"Yeah, I kind of am. You got a problem with that?"

The girl gave up the pointless argument with a sigh. Why was she giving up? Before he could get another word out, she jumped back in to the tree they just fell out of. "Are you running away?"

Sayuri rolled her eyes, "I have better things to do than sit here and argue with you." She looked towards the fading moon. "You should get some rest. We look after the demon slayer's spawn tomorrow, right?"

"You didn't have to help you know." Inuyasha sat with his legs crossed at the foot of the tree.

"I know," She leaned her head against the trunk, "But I owe them a debt. I don't like to leave things unfinished."

Inuyasha poked Sayuri in the side, "She's crying."

"I can hear that." She grumbled, rolling so that her face was inside the pillow.

"If you can hear her, deal with it."

Sayuri lifted herself off of the floor and pushed the hair out of her face. Even without the moonlight, those eyes still seemed to shine. "There are two of us, you know." She shifted in to a cross-legged position. "I thought you were taking the morning shift."

Inuyasha looked away, "That was until the bi –" Sayuri gave him a stern look. "I mean the runts started screaming their heads off."

"So?"

"So, that makes them you're problem."

She seemed a little taken aback but shrugged it off. She was shaping up to be a lot more tolerant than Kagome ever was. If she was here, Inuyasha would be eating the floor by now. Sayuri began getting the children dressed with little complaint. This girl just did not make sense.

"…Sit down! You stupid little boy!"

Inuyasha winced involuntarily and looked up from his reminiscing to see Sayuri desperately trying to get the oldest of the kids, Miroku's first born son, to stay still long enough to do his hair. It fell to around his shoulders and Sango was insistent that the kids were 'groomed' at all times. Whatever the hell that meant. No matter what Sayuri tried to do, that child was not having it.

"Momma!" he screamed, struggling from the half-demon's grip fruitlessly.

Inuyasha sighed, took the screaming child from the girl and held him up by the back of his shirt. "Look, your mother isn't here," he held up a finger to prevent louder screaming, "but she'll be back in a couple days, so shut up and listen to Sayuri and me."

The boy sniffed back a few more tears, "But momma said that demons are bad."

"What about Kirara?" The boy was silent, "Or Shippo? Are they bad too?"

He thought about this for a minute, "No," he said slowly, "They're my friends."

"Exactly," Inuyasha knew that he had him now, "And I used to be friends with your mother, so what does that make me?"

"A friend!" he clapped his hands together gleefully. Sayuri was shocked. How could someone like him calm that ignorant little brat?

Inuyasha put the kid down and ruffled his hair, "Now I want you to let that girl over there do your hair, because your mother would want that, right?"

"But she's a demon…"

Inuyasha looked in to Sayuri's eyes, "Yeah, you're right, but she's..." She stared back with a look that could only be compared to prey that has realised its fate is sealed. The hunter had found his prey and wasn't planning on letting go. It terrified and excited them at the same time.

Sayuri tore herself away and proceeded to pull the child's unruly hair in to a bun, the other four children went along rather easily, or had too little hair for grooming to be an issue. All the while Inuyasha wondered if he had said too much this time.

The day continued like this. Inuyasha made sure that the children listened to Sayuri while she did all the work. She thought this to be a little unfair, but didn't struggle too much. At least he was being pleasant with her. The only real work he did was carrying the children to a nearby field. If it were not for their obvious racial differenced, they could've been like any other family.

"Inuyasha!" A shadow flashed along through the grass until a young boy stood before them. He jumped on to Inuyasha's shoulders a gripped his neck tightly "Where have you been?"

Inuyasha grabbed on to the mass that was attached to his neck and held it at eye level. "You're still here, Shippo?" Sayuri looked from the fox to the man and couldn't really find the connection. She was sure it was deep, yet didn't fully understand it.

"Inuyasha! Where have you been? Did you chase all the bandits away?" Shippo was now on the ground staring up at him with wide, hopeful eyes.

Sayuri held back a laugh as Inuyasha shot her a glare, "Yeah, I guess I did." Inuyasha crouched beside the boy, "So how come you ain't any bigger, runt?"

The resulting fight woke up the sleeping children from their naps. "My moment of peace!" Sayuri kneeled down beside the oldest and pushed him back in to a sleeping position. This only made him cry along with the younger children. "Come on!"

Shippo moved towards the children and talked to them in a hushed voice. Sayuri could barely pick out the words, but all of a sudden the children were laughing. The boy made a few more funny faces before telling them to go back to their naps.

"How did you do that, kid?" Sayuri lifted the boy off the ground despite his protests.

Shippo struggled in vain against her grip, "Inuyasha, who is this rude woman?" Inuyasha looked away uncomfortably, but time had made the fox more perceptive. His eyes widened, "Is she your wife?"

Sayuri let out a laugh and dropped Shippo to the ground roughly, "Him?" She looked at Inuyasha and her laughter quickly faded. "Better question," She looked back at the boy, "who the hell are you?"

Inuyasha sighed. Why did these kinds of things always happen to him? Inuyasha directed his words to Shippo, "She," he said pointing at Sayuri, "is just some girl I picked up on my way back from getting rid of the bandits. Nothing more."

"You chased them away? Didn't look that way to me." Sayuri caught Inuyasha's glare and looked away.

Shippo didn't miss a beat, "What is she talking about?"

Inuyasha shifted uncomfortably, "Nothing, runt. She just spouts nonsense sometimes."

Sayuri opened her mouth to yell a few insults of her own, but looked at the children instead. If she started this now, they would wake up and it would become her problem. "So I still don't know who you are." Sayuri walked towards a nearby tree and sat in its shade.

The boy looked at Sayuri nervously and joined her, remaining close to Inuyasha. Though it seemed as though Inuyasha trusted her, he was still unsure if he did. "I'm Shippo," He looked up at Inuyasha as a son might look to his father for guidance on the next step, "I've known Inuyasha for a long time."

She seemed a little taken aback by the vagueness of his answer, but guessed it had something to do with this Kagome person. "Inuyasha, should we take the spawn back to the house?"

"Yeah, before they wake up." Inuyasha picked two up gently and Sayuri picked up the third. The two half demons carried the children back to the house, Shippo chattering in Inuyasha's ear the entire trip. The villagers stopped their work and stared as they walked by. Sayuri looked down self-consciously while Inuyasha strode with a kind of indifference built from years of this kind of treatment. Did it bother him still or was he just getting better at hiding it than she was?

The children continued to sleep after they set them down in their rooms. Shippo decided to go greet the other villagers and pay respects at Kaede and Kagome's graves. Inuyasha and Sayuri sat together on the porch where she had run from him the day before. She leaned back against the doors with a sigh. The sun was setting on a long day.

"Hey, Inuyasha?"

He sighed, "What do you want?" Inuyasha held the Tetsusaiga close to his chest. Despite its current uselessness, he treasured it.

"Why did you lie to the kid?"

"We've seen a bunch of kids today, you're gonna have to be more specific."

Sayuri closed her eyes. Inuyasha stared at the shadows the eyelashes cast against her cheeks. A stray hair fell near her face and he had to hold himself back from pushing it in to place. "Shippo… I think it was. Why did you lie about the bandits?"

Inuyasha looked away. This girl was frustrating, always asking so many questions. Not beautiful, frustrating. "You know how you thought Kagome was like a mother?"

Sayuri opened her eyes to focus on the conversation and nodded.

"Well, she was for him. He's been an orphan twice. I can't make things harder now." Inuyasha looked in to the fleeting sun. Night would fall soon.

Sayuri thought about this, "So what does that make you, his father?"

He smiled, "Something like that." This kind of pride was new to her. Sayuri had seen Inuyasha cocky about himself, but he never really seemed pleased about anything from his past for more than a few moments, "So just drop the whole bandit thing, alright?" After she nodded Inuyasha got to his feet. "I gotta go."

"Where?" Sayuri stood too, ready to follow.

"You ain't coming." He started to walk across the grass away from the house.

Sayuri caught up and grabbed on to his sleeve. "Where are you going?" she asked, a little more forcefully this time.

He shoved her aside, but more gently than she expected. "I'll be back by morning." And then he was gone.

**Author's Note:**

Hello, hello. I haven't been able to write as much as I would have liked lately. Shit went down, life got busy. You know the deal. But I really do plan on finishing this. Its fun Also, a break from school life (which is almost over). So hang in there (I'm assuming that people are reading).

So reviewer (kate)…only one since I last posted but still appreciated. I have posted chapter 5 I'm glad you are enjoying it. Remember I welcome any idea and criticism, just be constructive rather than just tearing me down for the sake of tearing me down.

ALSO, before you all leave me? I've been searching for some AMAZING InuMir yaoi, but I'm having some issues finding well written ones. If anyone can find me some that would be greatly appreciated?

Sincerely,

Caroline Winters


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